Hello, Overthinking.
Hi and welcome to my life wherein I can share my thoughts about how I experience this kind of situation. I want to share all over the world that I am a human being with a lot of mistakes that people hate me even with the little things. I even hate myself when I don’t control my actions and words towards people. Everything I do or say keeps me thinking that I have done wrong with someone I’m very close to or one of my loved ones. Last January, I lost my best friend with whom I shared my dark and deep secrets because she is the type of person I can trust, and she is like a sister to me. Ever since college started, everything has changed. Because we’re not in the same university and our schedule is very different, we barely talk to each other. And that started our little misunderstanding. I thought we would be okay or survived after, but it turns out even worse for both of us.
Since then, I have to cut her off because I think I am a toxic and terrible person, and I feel awful about myself. It’s hard for me to think about why I did such things that will abuse my mind. I mean, not just because my friend and I don’t talk anymore, but the people who think I am that terrible person to them. I will admit that I am an annoying person, but I don’t understand why people keep saying mean about me or hate me because of how I look, how I talked, and how I did something when I didn’t do anything wrong to them. That started my overthinking. You can’t sleep every night or around midnight because you keep thinking about what will happen in the next hour, tomorrow, months, or even years. You’re scared about what others think about you and forgot about taking care of your physical and mental health.
I am fragile when it comes to people who are against me. But as I got older, things may change. To all my mistakes and misunderstandings in life, I want to say to everyone that I am sorry for everything. I’m sorry for being immature. Sorry because of being such a horrible person I was. Sorry if I’m too insensitive that people believe that I’m heartless because I hurt them but didn’t know I was also suffering pain. And sorry if I don’t open too much about how I feel. Sadly, I lost some people I am close to instead of giving them a chance to be the better person I am today.
Thankfully, some people still stayed even though they saw my flaws and imperfections. I am very blessed that people will always love me when I don’t know how to love myself anymore. People may come into your life then leave you because they can’t handle your personality towards them. I have learned from all my mistakes, and I am still learning to become better and mature. I’ve heard Claudia Barretto and Hannah Pangilinan in their podcast, wherein they talk about finding their purpose in life. Claudia said, “If you’re going through the pain anyway, might as well make something of it.” That stuck in my mind, and I want to find my purpose in life. Ever since I’ve been listening to a podcast about anxiety and other mental health issues, I want to achieve myself by overcoming my fear of people and stopping my overthinking. I also listen to music to calm myself and avoid everything that is happening to me. It is also highly recommended to meditate yourself and avoid negativity, such as social media, where many people can judge you through the internet. Much news has been negative around us lately and didn’t been so good.
